I love writing for Charlotte In Crowd. It gives me a chance to do what I feel I’m meant to be doing. It gives me purpose besides being a wife and mom and a worker bee at my job. It gives me a sense of pride to see my words displayed on this fancy internet thingamajig. I am honored beyond words.
So this morning I’m sitting here thinking…”What do I write about this week?” Of course 45 came to mind. The pieces I could write about that orange idiot are endless. He gets enough press though. So I sat here and closed my eyes and took some breaths. These are the first three things that popped into my head: road rage, Jidenna, and depression. No lie. Yes, you can laugh and give me the side eye. These three things have nothing in common. Well, not to you. To me, they’re a part of my everyday life.
I have the worst case of road rage that my husband and family has ever seen, according to them. I don’t agree though. Now I will admit that I do drive aggressively defensive. I drive carefully but really fast and I drive with the intent to get where I’m going as expediently as possible. So please don’t be going 70 in the fast lane, or driving and trying to drink coffee. You will get the lights flashed at you and then you will get the horn honked at you. And when I pass you, you might get the stare down. Yes I have flipped people off in traffic, yelled obscenities, and scared a few old people. I know, I know. It’s bad. Don’t judge me y’all. Pray for a sister.
And then there’s depression. It’s been hanging around me since I was a teenager. Always lurking in the shadows. Always waiting to pop up out of nowhere and jump on me and ride me to the ground and hang around for a few days. It’s not fun being Black and raised in the church and dealing with depression. Prayer should fix it and it hasn’t and family doesn’t always understand why prayer isn’t working. I’m not slighting prayer by any means. I just believe that prayer can work right along with some good ole therapy. Nothing like laying on a couch and talking to a complete stranger and pouring out all that dark matter that you’ve been hiding and holding inside. A judgment-free zone is a good thing y’all.
And finally there’s Jidenna, whose music has been real good for my soul these past few weeks. He’s got a good mix of everything that helps me deal with the road rage AND the depression. Take for instance this morning when I was navigating S. Tryon and was about to lose all my shit. I am all the way on 10! So I put on “Bambi”. It’s track 4 from Jidenna’s album The Chief. It’s got a nice Caribbean beat with some steel drums mixed in. It starts off all sweet and melodic and then the beat drops. So my head is now bobbing and the regretful, bittersweet lyrics calm me down. I dial it back to 2 and I’m good to go. I make it to work without killing anyone.
Or when I’m feeling depression creeping in and the tears try to fall, I crank up Trampoline (The Chief, track 3) or The Let Out (The Chief, track 8). Something about a hype song with a dope beat & lyrics just get me going. Its hard to cry or be sad with some good music blasting in your car. And it helps that Jidenna is so handsome, with his lil’ red self. He’s been my husband since Classic Man. He just doesn’t know it yet.
So, I have no idea what this piece will do for you. It’s random as hell and the topics are too. But it’s sincere. It’s from the heart. And writing it gave me purpose. And having purpose is essential.