Boundaries

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Dating in my thirties, I want to date differently and I want to create boundaries.  Remember in your younger years when you were wild and free without a care in the world?  You were trying to discover yourself and along with discovering, you made a lot of mistakes.  I think age 19 through 29 is the time to make mistakes and learn from them.  When you reach your thirties, you should change and boundaries should be created.

I went on a date this week and I was super excited about it. We talked on the phone and had a great rapport. He’s 35 years old with a career, no children, a relationship with God and a great personality.  The date went well. We met at Piedmont Social Club for drinks and later, Wild Wing Café for food.  Everything was going great! He made me laugh and was a perfect gentleman. We went back to his place for drinks. He introduced me to whiskey (because I’m a tequila girl at heart). He didn’t try anything. We literally just sat and talked, and it was perfect. I felt comfortable.  

We made plans to meet up Sunday. I invited him over to my place. I cooked fish. After eating, we talked for a bit and started watching a movie. Now that I am thinking about it, we were so “Netflix & Chill” but it wasn’t my intentions. Anyways, we sat on the couch watching She’s Gotta Have It. Around 10 pm I caught myself falling asleep, when he starts kissing me on the cheek. Then he sits up and starts kissing me on my stomach.  At this point I should have stopped him but I let him keep going. And he continues to go down.  Before I knew it, he went all the way down and wanted to go further but I told him no.  He respected my wishes and got up. 

But I was so shocked because I did not expect that to happen.  I know I may sound naïve but I really did not.  It made me really look at myself and boundaries I should create in my relationships.  Although a man seems nice he is still a man and if I do not want to partake in that type of activity, I can’t put myself in that situation at all.  How many of you can relate? Dating can be hard. And at times, we [women] compromise our values just to have affection but we don’t have to.  We don’t have to lower ourselves just to be liked.  Here are some helpful ways to create boundaries within your relationships.  

1.  Know yourself; know what you can and can’t do, know what your weakness are and leave no room for any temptations. If you want to wait for 3 months or until marriage, do it.  It is important to know yourself fully to truly date freely. 

2.  Express your intentions early; it will be so much easier to get everything out in the beginning.  That way you know what everyone is about.  Be bold and say how you feel. The person you are dating will appreciate it in the long run.

3.  Get Focused; when boundaries are crossed, one person’s upset and the other feels wronged. When that happens just reevaluate the situation, get grounded with yourself and move on because things happen.  Just don’t beat yourself up about it. 

Fiana Moore