Coping With Divorce: How I Got Through It
“Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. Being able to is courage. Walking away with your head held high is dignity”
When I said I do, I wanted the happily ever after fairy tale. I made a promise to myself that no matter what problems we faced, we would work it out. After all, my parents did it, why couldn't I? We were going to be that old married couple that everyone looked up to and asked “What is the secret to a long and happy marriage?” But life doesn’t always stick to the plan. I made the decision to end my toxic marriage and my god, it was a tough choice.
What I wasn’t prepared for was how lonely, guilty, depressed and overwhelmed I felt right afterwards. Divorce for me was painful. I told myself I failed my dreams, family, friends, kids and mostly myself. There were nights that I almost second guessed my decision. I often found myself feeling several emotions at once like anger, confusion and hurt. Then one night I had my ah-ha moment. I was grieving the loss of my marriage. My grieving stage allowed me to let go and feel my pain. I was finally able to feel better about facing the next day.
Solid Support Structure
Build a solid team of close friends and/or family members that you can trust. I can not stress enough that you will need your close friends and family during this time. They can provide help in their own way whether it’s emotional or physical. Don’t push people away from you because you want to be alone. Being alone will worsen those feelings and cause your mind to become idle- and we know what they say about an idle mind. The ones that genuinely care about you will help you, if they can. It helps to have a friend that you can cry on, talk to and someone that will allow you to vent. My BFF was always there for me at my lowest. I remember not wanting to get out of bed one morning because I was beat from all the court days and late nights of overthinking. My friend sat me down and reminded me why I left and that I owe it to my kids to be strong for them. You never know when you’ll need those words of encouragement to get through the day.
Once you have grieved, you want to make sure you are moving forward and not dwelling on what could've or should've happened. I had to keep busy. I decided to fill in those gaps with something meaningful. For me, that was stepping my exercise routine up a notch. It gave me something to look forward to and I noticed how good I felt afterwards. I didn’t feel tired or depressed after my workouts.
There are other options if working out doesn’t appeal to you. Try meditating while playing some soothing music or yoga. You can find really good meditation music or bin-aural beats on YouTube. If you have an active mind like me, perhaps you can write. Write anything that comes to your mind. I like to write down my thoughts in a journal.
Or just getting outside for few can make a huge difference. There is something therapeutic about being outdoors. Why not try to go on a date or two? It doesn’t have to be too serious, just something to get you back in the dating game. Try to go out with your friends, just get out of the house! Grabbing a really good book helps to escape reality for a short period of time.
We are all familiar with the cliche saying that time heals all wounds. It honestly does and in time, you’ll get through this. People get divorced everyday and they move on with their lives. You’ll eventually find yourself on the sunny side of the storm and when you do, you realize how strong you are.